Chapter 16 - I Wanna Make You Feel Naughty

Beth was sound asleep when Jon comes creeping in, as well as the other members of his family.  He goes up to check on everyone, tucking in the ones that needed to be tucked and turning down the lights of those that were afraid of the dark.  He checked on Beth last.  He slowly opened their bedroom door and was met with a beautiful breeze coming on over the water.  He inhales deeply as he kicks off his shoes and drops his jeans, on her side of the bed.  There was a low light cascading from Beth's walk in closet.  Jon can see that she's on her belly, with one leg drawn up to her side.  She was half on Jon's side and half on hers.  

Jon reached down and gently pulled the 1500 thread count sheet off her, sliding it not wanting to wake her.  She stirs as if she was getting chilled.  He freezes and waits for her to settle.  He stands there, naked and feeling great about her and about them.  He knows what he wants to do, but should he?  He doesn't know the kind of day that she's had and it's possible she's completely exhausted.  He weighs his options, smiles and slowly lifts the sheet, kissing his way up her leg, under the covers.  His kisses were tender, his caresses were gentle and his tongue was warm and wet.  He loves her legs, kissing up one side and down the other until she wakes enough to realize what he's doing.  In an expressive mood herself, Beth rolls over onto her back, giving her husband the room that he needs to continue with his kissing and his touching.  She rarely refuses such an amazing act of togetherness, an emotional connection and the amazing orgasm she knew that was heading her way.  She let her husband pleasure her with his lips, his tongue, his fingers and his words.  She tried to resist, she tried to lay there and enjoy it without letting him know, but it didn't last long.  

She grabs his head, holding him in place, loving the pattern that he's making with his tongue, not wanting him to change a thing.  He's on her spot, THE spot and she doesn't want him to stop.  Jon loves that she's thrusting into his face, moving her body in the motion that feels right for her.  He slides his hands under her ass and pulls her closer, tighter to his face.  When he starts to dart in and out, she lets out a noise.  A slight moan ending with a gasp for air.  Jon knows she's just about there.  Beth's hands and pulling his hair, moving him the way she needs him to be and that is a big turn on for Jon.  "Don't stop!"  she cries out.  "Right there, right there."  She firmly holds his head in place.  With one hand, aroused, he slides his hand up her body and finds her breast.  He squeezes it, plays with her nipple, running it back and forth between his fingers.  He knows that her nipples are her most sensitive, plus he loves to play with them.  After a few moments of his tongue penetrating her and his fingers teasing her nipples, Beth wants her husband deep inside of her.  The handfuls of hair that she has pulls him up from between her legs and as she kisses him, she says, "Fuck me!"

Jon smiles like a kid in a candy story when he gently slides himself into her.  She takes him in as if he was made for her.  She kisses him, giddily at first, but then it intensifies.  She takes hold of him and darts her tongue into his mouth, kissing him as deep as her tongue will go and he is a very willing participant.   As they make love, Jon looks down at her and asks, "Are you mad I woke you?"

Beth smiles, nibbles his chin and tells him as a matter of fact, "If this isn't the best orgasm of my life, yes, I'll be mad."

"They're all the best, you know that."

Beth wraps her legs around him, as well as her arms.  She lets her passion for her husband flow, without inhibition.  She loves the way that he feels, the way that they feel together.  Her body moves in rhythm with his and in no time, once they focused, they got off together - the noises were proof that it was amazing.  

Jon rolled off her and caught his breath before he asks her, "Are you mad I woke you?"

Beth looks at him, as she brushed the hair that's stuck to her face from sweat says, "I think we need to do it again.  Give me two to chose from."  She rolls on her side and starts to rub his hairy belly and his amazing chest, "So that gives you two changes to save yourself."

He winks at her, "Can I have a minute?"

She nods.  She has to pee, so she gets up to do her business.  When she comes out of the bathroom, he's not in bed.  She can see the french door that goes onto their deck, so she heads that way.  He's out there leaning on the cement rail, smoking a cigarette.  "Wow, was it that good?  You need a cigarette."

He reaches to hand her the cigarette, "Want some?"  

"No thanks."  she is satisfied just breathing in his smoke.  She leans on the marble railing and looks out over the water.  "What a beautiful night.  How was your trip into the city?"

Jon drops his cigarette into the container that he has out there for occasions such as this.  His smoking is to a minimal now, never doing it in the house or in front of the kids.  His desire to smoke right now has been squashed by the naked woman that is leaning over the deck railing.  His attention totally focused on her perfect body.  He can smell her and she smells like sex

With one finger, he traces the path of her spine.  From her perfect ass all the way to the nape of her neck, he smiles as he watches her shiver, either from his touch or the cool night breeze.  "What are you doing?"  Beth turns her head to look back at him but she doesn't stop him from what he's doing.  

"Looking at you." he tells her, his finger going back down her spine.  Rearranging his footing, Jon lines himself up behind her, spreading her legs with his foot.  His hand slides up her back and stops at her neck, holding her in position.  Within seconds he's deep inside her again, holding her hips, showing her how much he loves her one thrust at a time.  

Chapter 15 - We Gotta Hold On

Jon and Beth made the best of the little time away that they were afforded, inseparable with a love rekindled.  

Chapter 14 - Can't Win, If You're Not Afraid To Lose

As he takes off his life vest, Jon can see this amazing image walking toward him, with two cups of juice in her hands.

Chapter 13 - Tonight I swear, I'd Sell My Soul

Long walks on the sandy beaches with the moon beams dancing on the water, when Jon looks at Beth, he can see that she's glowing and that the glow now comes from deep within.  That makes him smile.  As they walk, his hand on the small of her back, to let her know that he's there, he can feel them reconnecting.  Finding one another.  The conversations are just a few words at at time, but that's really all that they need.  To know one another like they do, they could go days without talking, really.  They are so in tune with each others personalities, so in tune with each others needs that they somehow lost all of that.  As they walk, Jon draws her closer and whispers into her ear, Why didn't we do this long ago?"

Beth kind of chuckles and reminds him, "We have a family, small children, careers and several social commitments - it's kind of hard to get away and go off the radar."

"We still should have done it years ago.  No kids, no phones, no security.  This is what I call heaven."

She looks to her husband with longing in her eyes, a longing that remains as her thoughts go back to the trip they took down to St Bart's and spent the time on a yacht.  The time that she was seriously hurt and had to be flown to the nearest hospital.  "Do you remember when we were new and we took that yacht trip?"

"How could I forget?"  His hand slides from the small of her back and gently he takes her hand.  A gentle squeeze.  "That was the FIRST worst time of my life.  You laid there lifeless and I had no idea what to do."

"But you saved me." she reminds him, with a kiss on the cheek.  "Do you remember our first date?"

"Las Vegas?"  His smile goes from ear to ear and he's reminded of just how strong he felt about her.  How badly he wanted her in his life.  At first sight, she had his heart and she knew it.  "Do you remember the good times that we had at the house in upstate New York?  I loved going up there."

Beth's memories of that place are not all happy ones.  She had some turmoil up there and there are days that she wishes she could forget those.  "What about the time we spent at the vineyards?"

"You love those places." A look comes over his face as he quickly thinks, "Are you mad at me that I asked you to give those up?"

Beth stops walking, stopping him in his tracks too.  "I didn't give them up, I just don't visit as often as I like.  The one in Jersey gave Tony such a beautiful wedding, that I will always cherish.  And yes, the one in California gave me immense grief, but it was a passion.  I loved vinting, growing and overseeing both places."

"So you're not mad?" he hesitates.

She smiles coyly at him, "Mad, no.  Going to give them up completely?  Again, no.  I need that Jon."

"Why?"

"The twins are getting bigger.  The bigger kids are all in school and gone with Dot 50% of the time.  I get bored and need to stay busy."

They decide to sit on their secluded part of the each, just outside there suite.  They get entangled in one another as much as they can and Jon begins again, "Have we had more good times than bad times?"

Beth leans in and rests her head on his shoulder, "I think that we've had more bad times, but the good times, when they were good, they were great and they shadowed the bad.  The good are what got us here today and without those bad, terrible and unimaginable things - we wouldn't be WHO we are today."  She pauses again to collect the right words, "The Beth and Jon that we were when we met could have never survived what we did.  We grew as people, apart as husband and wife but here we are, fighting for the most amazing thing in our life.  Our marriage."

Chapter 12 - Naked In Her Garden

Jon and Beth decided that a week, or two in Italy would be far enough away for it to be one on one and close enough to get on the jet and fly home at a moment's notice, if need be.

Chapter 11 - You know everything about her

"Beth,  can you see why Jon may feel that way?"

Beth's eyes turn to Jon, "Do you really think I feel that way, that I blame you for the murder of our daughter?"

"I do."

"If I truly blamed you, do you think I'd be sitting here trying to figure all of this out?"  

"I'm not sure,  but when I think about it, I think yeah, you blame me.  Look at all the times you ran off.  That kind of tells me that you were angry with me, needed to get away from me...."

Beth interrupts him, "or maybe to deal with all of the madness in my head."

Dr. Fishman leads forward, with a polite step in, "Madness, what do you mean Beth?"

She pauses for a moment, "In my head, I'm responsible for her death.  I brought Dalton into my life and that set all of the madness, the hurt and terror in our lives."

He gives her a warm smile, "You know neither of you are responsible for McKenna's death.   You are not responsible for other people's actions."

Beth repositions herself, trying to get the subject to change as she's feeling uncomfortable, "I know that but had i not refused Daltons advances,  left him for Jon and hurt him, maybe he wouldn't have been so hellbent on destroying my life, killing my daughter.  He and that bitch Melissa,  along with Jon's former wife plotted this, planned it and carried it out."  She continues to wipe the tears from her cheeks, "Yeah, Melissa killed her, but I don't think she was the mastermind, she wasn't smart enough."

"So you should have made a life with Dalton?  Had you done that, you never would have had the joy that you had being McKenna's mother.  Holding her in your arms, kissing her face,  feeding her from your breast."  The doctor asks her, pretty confident in what her answer may be.

Beth looks him in the eye,  "would I have traded that?  Being with Dalton to avoid the loss of my daughter?"

"I guess that could be the question."

Jon gets involved now, "That's assnine!"

"Here me out Jon."  Dr. Fishman holds up a hand.  "I think Beth is in a place where she thinks she should have bargained for a different outcome."

"I am not."  Beth stands up and starts to pace the elegant New York office.   "I'm certain that had I been more diligent on the care and safety of my daughter, shed be here with us today."

Dr Fishman gets up and walls toward Beth, Jon watching every move they make, hanging on every word.  "But she's not here and you and Jon need to learn to push passed this,  even though you think it's impossible."

"How?" Jon demands, getting to his feet.  "How do we do that?  We blame ourselves and maybe subconsciously each other.  How can we do it?"

"Time and maybe a few more visits here to see me, but I think the first thing you need to do is maybe take some time away, alone together.   Some place you can relax and just be husband and wife.  Yes, you're a husband and wife with great losses and many obstacles, but you're a husband and wife that truly love one another. "

Both Jon and Beth pause, look at one another.  Jon can see a smile wanting to creep up on Beth's face, "A vacation?  We can't get away right now."  Jon reminds Beth as he focuses his gaze upon Dr. Fishman.  "Now is the worst time for that."

"Right now that's the only thing you can do.  You two need to get away and reconnect.  Get away and remember why you're here and why you're still fighting to be together after all you've been through."

"We're fighting because that's all we got." Beth boasts, trying to hide the fact that she's terrified of losing her husband and her family.  "We fight because we know that we need to."

"Need?"  Dr Fishman questions.  "Need is a pretty strong word.  You need to stay together?"

"Of course we do, we have a family together."  Beth needs to remind the doctor.

Dr. Fishman moves in close to Beth, with his hand on her shoulder her tells her, "Many people co parent that aren't together anymore, Beth."

Jon feeling the doom of what a real separation from her would mean and it starts to make him anxious.   "Do you think a vacation could help?"  He drags his fingers through his hair, "Cause I'd take her to the moon if it would help."  He plops down on the couch, not sure what to do anymore. 

Dr. Fishman sits next to his exhausted and broken client,  "You guys need to get back to you.  Where you were when you fell in love, back before your tragedy, back before the bottom fell out of your world."  He pauses, takes a cleansing breath and follows that with, "You need to see the woman that you fell in love with and she needs to see the man that used to sweep her off her feet."

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Jon and Beth leave their session with Dr. Fishman hand in hand, feeling raw and vulnerable.   They know he's right about what he said, they know they should follow his advice.   As far as they're concerned, he's never been wrong. Jon draws Beth closer, squeezing her hand and kissing the side of her head.   "Beth,  you have to know that I have never seen you as anything other than my wife, my best friend, my lover and my soul mate; even after everything you, everything we have been through.   You have always, and I mean always been the most beautiful woman in the world.  You're an amazing mother to our children and mine, and even though you piss me off, I can't imagine my life without you."

Beth stops walking, as they were on their way to the parking garage and looks in her husband eyes,  "You have saved me many times, even during the times that I wanted to die.  You have always been my rock.  Jon, you're the love of my life and had I not met you, so much never would have happened.  Our losses,  our joys and most of all the twins.  You have given me more than I ever could have hoped for in a husband, a mate and a best friend."  On her tippy toes, she reaches up and kisses his chin, "Jon Francis, where shall we holiday?"  Her smile reaches her eyes.

"YOU want to go away?"  Jon can't believe what he's just heard.  A few moments earlier, Beth acted as if a vacation was the last thing that she she would ever do, at this point.  "I'm sure Pete will stay with the kids and I have no doubt your mother will love the opportunity to check in on them."

Jon tosses his head back and laughs, knowing what she's just said was true.  "No doubt about mom, she's been chomping at the bit to take the kids away for a few days."

"We should let her."  Beth walks into him, his lips land on her forehead.  She stands there for a moment, absorbing the caresses she craved from her husband.  His hands, slowly up and down her back, "Let's walk."  She adds.

Together they walk from the therapists office, with no direction in mind.  Both are in basic disguise with sunglasses, but it wasn't a concern.  Not today.  Together, at this very moment, they both have all that they need.  Each other and the desire to get back to where they were - where they fell in love, all of those years ago.  As far back as that night in the Las Vegas desert where they first felt, where they knew that they needed to be together, regardless of what was going to happen.

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Chapter 10 - Secrets We'll Take To The Grave

The silence forced Jon to take a look at himself, from the inside.  He quickly looks back at their losing of McKenna and he remembers when he got the call that she lost the twins.   He recalls the time that she was raped and assaulted by Dalton.  All of the times that he's just run through his mind, he was absent.  Whether it was physically or emotionally,  maybe he wasn't there for his wife, in her most trying of times.   The tears that roll down his cheeks when he looks at his wife hurt him, but not nearly as much as looking at her broken soul.  He can finally see that she's shattered on the inside and he can see that just maybe he could have prevented some of it.   He slides over to his wife, taking her face into his hands.  He kisses her nose, "Baby,  I'm so sorry if I let you down.  I'm so sorry if I wasn't there for you.  I'm so sorry if I pushed you too far, too fast."

Beth's eyes still burn from her tears and the ones that follow hurt just the same.  She grabs Jons hands, "You didn't let me down, Jon."

Dr. Fishman interrupts them,  "Being let down isn't the issue here, the issue is where you go from here."

"What do you mean?  Go from here?"

Dr Fishman leans back in his chair, "Well, it looks to me like there is alot unsaid and feelings that have been buried.   Beth, how do you feel about what Jon just said?"

"Honestly, I didn't feel much.  It's all things he's said before."

"Is there anything you'd like to say?  Maybe ask him?"

Beth looks at Jon and mumbles, "Was I so far gone that you needed to start divorce proceedings?"

"Yeah,  when you would disappear like you did, Beth what was I supposed to do?"

With snarky tone she snapped, "Oh, I don't know, try to figure out why and help me through what I was going through."

"I tried." He lowly barks back.  "I did the best I could."

Beth lowers her head to muster the courage to say, "I lost children and it seems that at times, your only concern was the next album, the tour schedule or whatever project you were working on."

"I still needed to make a living, fulfill contracts Beth."

"And never grieve yourself?"  Dr. Fishman asks of Jon.  "Have you fully processed all of this yourself, dealt with the loss, work through the pain?"

"I think so." He responds.

Beth looked to him, "You have not.  You dove into work and turned the blind eye."

"No I didn't."

Beth sighs, "You rearranged a few dates, but when you were home, you were in the studio, meeting with management and so on.  I was left alone to deal with it all on my own and get on with life."

Dr. Fishman interjected, "Is that true Jon?" 

Jon can't answer that on the fly, he needs to think about it.  "I did what I needed to do to try to deal with my loss in my way.  Work is always therapeutic for me.  You've know that from day one babe."

"You acted like work is all you had!"  Beth blurts at him, feeling a surge of emotion she hasn't felt in a very long time.  She stops herself when Melissa pops into her memory.  That ping of pain hurt her to the center of her being, "until Melissa."  She adds.

Jon can't help but be taken back by that.  He can't help but feel the guilt that engulfs him like a cocoon.  He sees the look on his wife's face and then it hits him.  All of this time he thought she's dealt with his infidelity,  with his one night indiscretion,  but it's painfully obvious that she hasn't.  He can see that she's punishing him for it, she's continuing to make him pay.  He's just not sure if she knows that's what she's doing.  "Beth, that was ages ago."  He simply replies, knowing that they just crossed a line they needed to cross a long  time ago.

"Maybe for you, but it feels just like yesterday for me."  She thinks she can finally talk about it, even though the lump in her throat and the butterflies in her stomach might try to stop her. 

Dr. Fishman sits back and let's the two of them discuss whatever it is that falls out of their mouths.   He's been their therapist long enough to know that it's time they deal with their demons and put the past behind them. 

"I thought we were passed that?"  Jon quietly asks his wife, his best friend.  "Are you still struggling with that babe?"

Beth nods her head, talking his hand in hers,  "Daily, I think."

"What do you mean?"

"Honeslty Jon,  I haven't thought about her in forever."

"But you treat me like it happened yesterday."  Beth sees his confusion and she can hear his sincerity.  Both tap at her fractured heart, "I think you punish me still for what I did way back when."

Beth leans back on the couch, not letting his hand go.  She draws in a deep breath and thinks about what he's just said to her, in front of a witness.  Her mind flashes back to being snippy with him about even the littlest of things.  She's treated him poorly and maybe she's just been shown why!?!  "I forgave you for that."  Beth stresses that.  "Jon, I put that in the past!"

"Do you?  I think you blame me for Kenna's death."

"I do not!"

"I think deep down you're mad at me for cheating on you, and had I not cheated on you, we'd still have McKenna.  So, since we don't have McKenna because of my indiscretion,  you blame me."