Chapter 2 - Anything But Gray

Jon's gaze is fixed upon her face, watching the way her lips move when she talks, taking it all in and feeling his love for her with every cell of his body.

"I have never loved you as deep as I do right now and I have never wanted to make love with you like I do right now."  He reaches up, brushes her cheek with the back of his hand.  He can smell her, knowing that she had just done her daily run on the treadmill.  Her skin still moist with sweat, Jon watches her slightly blush.

"Look at me, I'm a mess." she replies, brushing wisps of hair off of her face, smiling at her husband.  

"You're a beautiful mess." he adds, sliding his hand up to the nape of her neck, pulling her in for a kiss.  A long passionate kiss that makes her forget that she just ran 5 miles, hasn't eaten and is worried about him and his mood.  

The kiss lasts long enough for them to both get aroused, for them both to act like they were opening a piece of candy in which the wrapper was stuck.   Their hands were all over each other, with the passion building from each kiss, each caress.

"Mommy!" startles them, causing them to break the lip lock and to break the erotic embrace that they were slowly falling into.  

"Yes, baby." she says to the little one standing in the door holding her kitty.  

"Can I have a fruit snack?" she asks, walking in closer to be with her mommy and daddy. 

"Sure, princess."  Daddy says as he stands to help his daughter get the treat that she can rarely have.  "You know daddy doesn't like you having fruit snacks.  They get stuck in your teeth and give you cavities."  He rubs his daughters head as he passes by.  "Come on, let's get a fruit snack.  Do you brothers want one?"

"I dunno." she tells him, as she follows him to the kitchen.  "Romy and Jakey, yeah."

Jon gets his daughter her snack from the cupboard.  As he rips the package open he hears his wife say, "Take one to your brothers and get dressed. Daddy has a big day planned for us."  

"I do?" he quickly fires back, having no idea what she was talking about, but as he seen the excitement from the surprise fill his daughters face, he knew right then that he needed to pull something together, for her and her brothers.  

"Yeah, you do babe.  Work your magic.  I'm going to jump in the shower."

She leaves the two of them in the kitchen, but she can hear the little one not far behind her, running the fruit snacks to her brothers.  Her big sister Stephanie was off at school.

Once the family was dressed and gathered in the entryway, Jon made sure that they all had light jackets and comfortable shoes.  He had pulled a plan together that would give them all some family time and some exercise.  "Are we ready?"  he questions the clan.  

They all mumbled yes, screeched yes and were ready for whatever daddy had in store.  As they climbed into the family Escalade, he told them, "We are going on an adventure."

"Like what?"  his wife asks, "Where are we going?"

"Seaside"  he confesses.  We are going to spend the afternoon on the boardwalk and we're going to let the kids be kids."

"They really need that." his wife applauds his effort, verbally.

"Since we have been back together, we have focused on us and what makes us feel good.  We were so consumed with making sure we didn't falter again, we in a sense have neglected them.  Kept them cooped up in the house, away from the paparazzi and anything that may be floating around in the press.  It's time that we let them be kids."

"I agree, but do you think that Seaside is the best place to do that?  Maybe we should go down the shore a little farther, where maybe there won't be so many people?"

"I'm done letting my career, my fame and our troubles run our lives."

The kids are in the back of the SUV watching a movie, paying no attention to what mom and dad are talking about.  Jesse is so consumed with his phone, he could care less where they're going and what they might be doing while they are there.

"Great way of thinking, but are we ready?" she questions him.  "And does this have anything to do with the way you were feeling this morning?"

"It has everything to do with that."

"Mind telling me about it?" she reaches over and runs her hand up and down his leg.  

He looks over at her, taking her hand in his, kissing each finger.  "Not really, but you aren't going to let it go, are you?"

She shakes her head no.  "We agreed in therapy that we would be totally transparent with one another, completely honest, with no secrets."

"I know, but this one hit me in the heart."

"You're keeping a secret and Dr. Fishman said that we can't do that if we're going to make this work this time." she needs to remind him.

Jon takes a deep breath and says, "I know, but if I tell you this, I can't take it back"

"What is it?" with his hand in hers, she squeezes it tight, "Tell me.  You were very distant earlier and it bothers me, Jon."

"I had a dream that you committed suicide."

"OMG!" her hand instantly covers her mouth.  "That's terrible."

"I woke up soaked in sweat and crying." he lens his head and looks at her out of the corner of his eye.  "It was so real, it still hurts me to think about it, knowing it was just a dream."

"Why would you dream something like that?" she asks, in shock.

As Jon drove through Hazlet he started to tell her, in greater detail about the dream.  "It started with you running off to see Brian and in your attempt to keep us safe, you killed him and yourself in a car crash."

"Seriously?" she still can't believe why his mind would take him there as he slept.  

"I identified your body and had your funeral."

"Oh my God babe - that's terrible."

"At your funeral Brianna wanted you to wake up.  She wanted to kiss you good night.  It was the saddest thing I have ever seen."

"I can't imagine.  What a crazy dream."

"You were pregnant and went to get Brian to leave us alone.  Our divorce was almost final in real life, so I think that might be what triggered it.  But I'm telling you Beth, it was as real to me as we are right now."

"But it was just a dream."

"I woke up, seen you next to me and lost it.  I had flash backs of what you looked like in the morgue when Richie and I went to identify your body.  You were so beat up.  So bloody, so bruised."

"You said I was pregnant?" that part of the story stuck with her.  That she found odd.  

"Yeah, and that was a whole other issue - in the dream I questioned whether it was mine or not."

"Why?"

"Well, you were back and forth to the vineyard and we were living apart.  So, when we were seperated it must have sat in the back of my mind that you were cheating on me."

"With Brian?"  she questions, getting anxious over a dream that he had.  "I have never cheated on you."

"I know that!" he states.  "But I think that our separation and the pending divorce in our real lives back then, somehow manifested in my dream."

Beth sits there in silence thinking about what she had just heard, trying to put the pieces together, trying to make a little sense of what he just said.  She started to day dream, looking out the passenger window.  Pregnant suicide with Brian.  She thinks to herself, This will be a good one for Dr. Fishman.  "Can we not talk about this anymore right now?" she rolls her head on the car seat to look at him.  "My questions aren't right, for right now."

"I told you that I couldn't take it back after I sad it babe."

"I know, I just wasn't prepared for this.  Never would have thought that you ould dream such terrible things."

"Me either, but when I woke up and realized that it was all just a dream, as I was having my coffee I decided to make changes.  Huge changes.  Not only with us, but with the kids, with my job and with our life overall."

"Change can be good."

"There are going to be some serious changes."

The ride down the shore was a somber one for Beth now, until the parked the car.  Once outside the car, she and Jon wore small disguises.  The kids are only recognized when they ar with thier parents so they were able to be themselfs.

As they walked toward the board walk, the kids seen the big purple flasing sign that said ARCADE.  "Dad can we go in there first?"  Jacob asks with the normal young man excitement.  "I want to play games."

"We can go in there."  Beth tells him, "We can do whatever you want, but I was thinking that we go ride the rides now and do this stuff once the sun goes down.  What do you think?"

"Yeah, let's do that."  Romeo says, bouncing up and down.  "Let's go ride the rides and play games later."

Jon jumps in and reminds the kids, "Do not run off, you need to stay close to us so we can keep an eye on you."  AS soon as those words fell from his mouth, he had to bolt off and chase down Jon Spencer who decided that he wanted to go toward the water.  Jon caught him just in the nick of time as he was almost to the end of the ramp leading down to the beach.  

With Jon Spencer in tow, the family wallks north up the busy boardwalk, passing many people that had no idea who they were sharing the boardwalk with.  Jacob and Romeo took the lead, with Jon and Beth following, eaching holding the hand of a twin.  Under her breath Beth asks, "How did I look in my casket?"

"You are as beautiful in death as you are right now."  he winks at her, throwing his arms around her shoulder.  "Saying goodbye to you like that was the hardest thing I could do."

"Did Dorothea move in for the kill?"

"No, but she wanted to pick out yout burial outfit."

"Did she?" now her curiosity was raised even further. 

Jon quickly shakes his head no, "Stephanie and I did, and the other kids picked out your jewlery."

"Damn, that's a pretty detailed dream."  she rests her head on his shoulder, "I'm not going anywhere you know."

"I hope not." he admits, "I want you around for the next hundred years."

On her tippy toes, Beth reaches up, kisses his cheek and tells him, "If we keep on the course that we are and let Dr. Fishman do his job, I think we have what it takes to be together for the next hundred years.